Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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