So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
