Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
