your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
