sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
