I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
