need another drink. this is the easiest way
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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