felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
