if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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