I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
