I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
