Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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