So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
