When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
