It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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