i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
