i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
