yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
