I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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