it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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