life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
COCAINE IS GR8
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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