I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
