Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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