Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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