I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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