I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just found puke in my bra..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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