Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize