She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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