I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
