Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
