Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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