Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
