Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
