Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Small penises have feelings too.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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