I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
