He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
