Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In other news, I just burned my penis
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
