# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
