I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
