dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
