Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
