Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
