who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
