Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
