I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we're making bets on your personal life
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
