So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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