My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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