Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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