God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
