Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
