I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
