he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
