shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
