Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
