I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
