Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
