Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
